The List (revived)

This a post I took from a blog I had two years ago. I abandoned it because of some nasty comments by springs1 (anyone knows her?)

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Friday night I worked 8 hours (8 pm -4 am).
Saturday night I worked 91/2 hours (5 pm -2.30 am).
Last night I worked 11 hours (4 pm - 3 am).

And here are seven things you should do to a waitress:



1 - Say hello.

2 - Look her into the eyes. She's a human being and deserves eye contact.

3 - Talk loud and clearly. It's humiliating to shout "Could You repeat that, please?" over and over again when the guests are mumbling despite the obvious fact that the music is earsplitting.

4 - Be polite. When You have special desires like "extra olives", "and an extra jug of hot milk" or "and Your shoe filled with extra dry champagne" it is nice to add sth like "if possible" or at least "please". And I bet Your wish will be fulfilled faster and with more, say, love.

5 - Try to order everything at the same time.
Another option, of course, would be to order everytime a new buddy arrives. If you have not yet chosen your beverage when the waitress comes to take on your orders you can wait til she arrives with the drinks for your friends to order. When your drink arrives it'll be time enough to chose your food. Naturally you can let her wait while you study the menue, shes got time. But maybe it would be best if all of you ordered at the same time?

6 - Remember she's not a slave (Be Polite Part II). Normally it'll be sufficient to give a look to call the waitress to your table. If this doesn't work you could wave or call sth like "Excuse me?". "Hello?" is okay; "Miss!" is difficult. Off limits is "Hey!", "Hey, foxy!" or "Another!"

7 - Tip. Just tip.
Tip at least ten percent. She will remember you if you tip good and the next time you visit she'll be flying to get you whatever.

And here are seven things You should NOT do to a waitress: 1 - Don't whistle when you see the waitress. Do not comment on her hair. Do not comment on her outfit, except nicely. Do not comment on her breasts (not even nicely!). Do not comment on her butt (ever!). Do not comment on her legs or the length of her skirt. And do not comment on her eyes and try to ask her out! Really.

2 - Don't block the way with a baby carriage, back packs, umbrellas or your legs. Or standing around talking. If the waitress has to squeeze herself through a tiny space between a table and any other object, carrying drinks for eight people, it's time to move the object.

3 - Don't pretend the wine's corky. If you don't like it, tell the waitress and buy another one, but pay for the first. It's not the waitresses fault you don't like what you've ordered.

4 - Don't touch the waitress. Do not fuckin touch the waitress ever! No matter where!!!

5 - Don't try to ask her out. If she says she's got no time it's a no. If she says she's got a boyfriend it's a no. If she says she doesn't date guests as a rule it's a no. If she says she's got no phone number it's probably a lie, still, what she wants to express is that she's not interested.

6 - Don't discuss the bill. If it says you had eight beer, then you had eight beer and not seven. I youre cross cuz you have drunk more than you wanted, you have to pay more than you've expected, your date didn't work out the way you wanted it or the waitress didn't want to have a drink with you, do not express your annoyance in the tip. If you do, you're a mean person.

7 - Don't discuss the tip. Tip is for friendliness and quick service. Only if the service is lousy, you may cut or even skip the tip. Don't expect the waitress to kiss your toes because of your generosity. That's not generosity, that's a damaged personality.

And some last words:
Even if you're a regular, the waitress is not your friend. Don't fall in love with her. Yes, she's nice, friendly, hard-working, probably good-looking. Yes, she brings you beer, comes when you call her and listens to you. But that what she's paid for. It's a job.

What a job. Friday night I fainted behind the bar because it was so busy and I had had no time to eat. Saturday one guy sat and stared at me for about five hours, drinking beer until I told him to go home. And yesterday two guys asked me repeatedly whether I was wearing underwear. Still I meet a lot of interesting people, get a lot of compliments concerning my music and earn a lot of money.

Maybe from now on you'll be aware that waitresses are human beings? Like you?

Hopefully,
megaphon (...well, I used a different nick back then!)

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Q: http://www.lucente.org/blog/media/1/20090423-The_Ten_Commandments2.jpg